Ready to Go

This morning, I'm waking up with that giddy feeling I get when God starts to reveal a part of His plan to me. It is humbling and I am always stunned when it happens. We serve a mighty God!

In my last post, I ranted about the injustices for special needs children, specifically when it comes to school-related issues. I've calmed down a bit, though I do think it still is an "un-fair" process. I think I've calmed down because God is revealing to me a way to turn my experience into something for the greater good. Here's what I'm discovered.

Last Thursday, I took Travis to school for what was to be the completion of his school psychological exam for kindergarten. The first day had went so well, that I was expecting Thursday to be the same. Unfortunately, it wasn't. Travis was having an "off" day and did not want to focus or answer their questions. He changed the subject on questions he knew the answer to and just seem disengaged and inattentive.

I'm not sure why. He had gotten up the night before, so maybe he wasn't feeling his best. Then again, this was the third day in the same room, sitting in the same chair, answering what seemed like the same questions. Maybe he was just over it. Whatever it was, the evaluators felt it best to stop and start again later. He had done such a good job on Tuesday, they knew what he was capable of, and I'm thankful for a second chance.

I of course left the room with a pit in my stomach. What I had feared the most had happened. A poor evaluation would mean what, now? I got in my car and cried, screamed and asked that all-to-familiar question, Why? It's not fair, I told God, no one can see what an amazing child Travis is. Why does he have to go through this? Why, why, why? God let me get it off my chest, and I can just imagine him sitting in heaven listening patiently and saying "are you done, yet?" It must have felt to him a lot like it feels to me when Emily runs around the house crying for no apparent reason. Thank goodness He is patient with me.

For those of you who are my friend on Facebook, you saw my post last week that said "I'm expecting another answer to prayer." I did get an answer to prayer, just not the answer I was expecting. I just knew last Thursday God was going to give Travis an awesome evaluation, a clear mind and a willing attitude. He didn't. I came home and cried to my mom, who called my dad, who called me. Most everyone who reads this post has met my mom and dad, and you know how special they are. True to form, they saved my day. They knew just what to say, and when and how to say it.

It was after talking with my dad that God starting revealing a bigger picture plan. I'm saving the details, but it turns out dad and I had been dealing with the same "I hear God speaking" message for the past few weeks. When we started talking, we were amazed at how God had been revealing a plan, to both of us independently. It all started to make sense to me.

I was crying and asking "why me?" and the answer was, "so you can help other people." I started to understand that what was happening with Travis was most definitely for a purpose. Had he breezed through this evaluation, I would have gone on and not looked back. Because he didn't, I was given an opportunity to slow-down and see what really matters. In the big picture, I know that Travis is smart, he's amazing and he has unlimited potential. I do not need a test to tell me that. I also know that I am ready and willing to take responsibility of his education in my own hands, whether that means homeschooling or what-have-you. So, ultimately the school evaluation, that I had placed on a pedestal, doesn't mean much. As I've said a lot lately, these God does not give us these types of experiences to punish us, but rather prepare us for what's next.

My mission now is to communicate these experiences to other people dealing with the same issues. Providing encouragement, promoting awareness, pushing the positive side of these situations is what I should be doing. Wow. In 24 hours that poor, woe-is-me attitude had been replaced with thank you for allowing me this opportunity.

As I said, I'm saving the details of the specific project I believe God is calling me to work on. I will share it when the time is right. For now, I ask for your help by praying for wisdom, creativity and resources. I also ask that you help me "get the word out" to other parents struggling with issues like mine. Please feel free to forward this blog to anyone you think might care, and suggest they start following me. I'm hoping to start making more regular posts as work towards the mission gets underway. I'll also be communicating through Facebook and twitter when it makes sense, so find me as a friend and follow me @JustChristy.

I know that this specific verse in Esther 4:14 was written for Esther as she contemplated helping her people.

"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"

I can identify with her angst. I know she was facing what she felt was an impossible situation. And, I'm sure that when Mordecai spoke these words to her, she found herself filled with determination and confidence--a new purpose for her life. Marveling at the plan God had put in place, Esther did what was called of her. She realized the responsibility of being placed in a position of power "for such a time as this."

I feel the same way. My experiences, the talented people I have been blessed to meet, the high-points and the low-points of this journey have all combined for such a time as this. Now, I pray I will only be as bold as Esther and take action towards what I feel God is calling me to do.

Travis will try again with the evaluation this morning. However it goes, today I'm grounded with the realization that it is all a part of God's plan.

In humble service,

Christy